Unprepared

she hit me with a brick today 
the pain so severe and unexpected,
i thought i'd pass out from the hole it left behind

i recognized the poison, i'd drank it's kind before

but not from you, so out of place from you

and realized it wasn't you hiding, (never was), it was me walking with eyes closed

run! the scream so loud, ears ringing, attempting to stand

tripping, almost through plate glass to get away

from what i longed for, ached for, suddenly feared

the cliff's tallest portion, scrambling barefoot, clawing frantic

until silent sitting, watching storm clouds blacken

forcing presence in the pain, beg for understanding of an agony so large and frightening

confusion sorting, numb and mindless

the shock so raw slowly ebbing on insistent winds, and finally peace came

remember trusting, knowing, the child i love and see so clearly, the river i am on

and came so clear the answer, all my stories, my control, my absolute denial

i was in deep and there she was to save me, knowing me so well,

brick in hand and not afraid to use it, just a flesh wound that would heal

and just in time

another twenty-four hours invested, or seventy-two until a tragic ending

the unexplainable exponential weight of connection that happens with only you

so i missed you, alone in that wild place

the wind whipping my hair, setting me free, truth blinding

i let the painful waves of missing you wash over me hard and complete -unprepared

and loved you, lifted my face into the wind, eyes closed

and felt the deepest gratitude for the sum total of joy that comes

from you added to my life

and i thanked her for showing up now

instead of later

when it most certainly would have been fatal

wiped the tears from my eyes, redrew lines and looked up

shocked at the huge black clot of clouds surrounding me and thought

what a fucking crazy place to be sitting in a lightning storm